Marriages are crashing , people who loved each other once now see themselves,like USA and IRAQ(eye raq ) see themselves ,marriage is a beautiful thing and the rate at which marriages are crashing nowadays is alarming,so i had to cook this up.
DEDICATION :To all happily married couples out there ,to divorced couples and to those that are kind of confused as to where they stand, and of course to those yet to get married
Alright enough of the chit chat lets head straight in , i would keep it as short as possible,its a bit long but i assure you its worth the time Maximum reading time: 7 minutes(if you are very slow at reading) ,
In no particular order :
DONT MAKE AN INITIAL MISTAKE :
Yeah right !!!, if you are not yet married don't make the initial mistake of getting married to the wrong person because of pressure from parents , or pressure from "self" , yeah a lot of people give them self unnecessary pressure , so be calm , be on the look out ,weigh the pros and cons ,seek Gods face, people would always have disadvantages ,no one is perfect .So know whats right for you and what disadvantages you can live with and you are comfortable with.
Fine !! you should love but don't let that be the final deciding factor,does he have a job ?, if he doesn't, does he have aspirations , is he working towards them , how well does she control temper, when she is wrong does she apologize,how well does he/she respond during a disagreement,does he/she sit me down to talk about the future etc.,you gotta have a map and considerably good "building plan" with the most vital accessories before you start construction.
NOW LETS DIVE IN FOR THOSE THAT ARE ALREADY MARRIED
CONSTANTLY REMIND YOURSELVES WHAT MADE YOU FALL IN LOVE
Alright,i would start with this , what sparked the fire !!!,keep that fire burning ,constantly remind him/her why you are even together in the first place,take her to that special place where you mistakenly stepped on her in the university and your eyes met,take her there and step on her again *winks* , remind her of the day u met ,how u met, and why you are even together in the first place.
While constantly reminding yourself of why you fell in love and how u met , pls try not to do the same thing all over again , the same restaurant , the same gift , the same garden , all the time !!!! ,NO , change things , surprise him/her ,do something new .The human mind tends to be less interested in a particular action with repetition ,when its done the exact same way, u might want to do the same thing but make it different add some spice ,do something you have never done or something he/she considers you being too shy to do , sing for her in public be dynamic mehn !!!.
I would particularly hammer on this one , Nigerian couples freak me out when it comes to names , what is papa Ngozi ?,Mama bose , sharrrrap !!! , call your wife /husband sweet names jooor , and be creative and funny with them with a very very cool and seductive voice , its your wife na , call her my sharwama , my roasted corn *no be me talk am ooo,in case u chop slap*.But seriously figure it out and call him/her beautiful names.
This doesn't always have to be the woman's responsibility ,MEN respect your wives ,there is something called mutual respect ,just because you are the "man of the house" doesn't mean you should disrespect your wife, don't talk to her anyhow,know that she is a human being as well, she needs to rest when tired ,she might be too exhausted at times to do some things just as you are tired when you come back from work,don't shout at her.When you are angry with your husband be calm don't shout at him , respect each other !!!
KNOW HOW TO BE FRANK WITH WISDOM/IRONING OUT CONFLICTS
While i always advice being patient at all times and there is a way to caution and tell your spouse when they go wrong , this would differ from couple to couple,but let your spouse know when you angry , not by shouting at the top of your voice and ranting ,when your spouse annoys you if you feel your anger his getting out of control do this quickly to avoid story that touchs
– Excuse yourself to the toilet
-Wash your face with cold water if possible
– Take a pee and poo if possible , (the idea is eliminating anything that would cause even the slightest anxiety in you)
-Stay in the toilet for a few minutes
-Look at your self in the mirror
-If you are living in face me and slap you like me and dont have mirror , take a bowl of water , look into it and try to allow your self to be angry for a few seconds , then try to smile (i know its not easy when angry ,but just try), flash through your memory of the best moment you have ever spent with him or her
– Take a deep breath in and out three times
– Now you are a bit calm , your spouse is next
– Go back out with a smile
– Walk towards your spouse with a smile(just try) looking straight into his/her eye(very important),,make yourself look vulnerable(a calm face,drop your shoulders) walk towards him/her calmly (you dont want it to look like an attack),grab and KISS(there is a lot of science going on during this steps a lot of psychological and chemical reactions, which would be too long to explain here)….the rest they say would be history hopefully..
DISCLAIMER:This MIGHT not work in some scenarios , e.g when you cheat ,i wont be responsible for someones broken head but it would work when it involves regular issues.
HELP EACH OTHER OUT
You know a thing or two about your spouses' work , help out !!!, you know when she is tired , help her cook , yeah i said it !!! help her cook, there is nothing wrong in it , it doesn't make you less a man , men !!! the baby has made some concoction in his diaper help clean the baby up,your husband is broke help out , i know he is the man of the house , but you gotta hep each other out.
MAKE HER FEEL LIKE A WOMAN
Alright when i say this i dont mean sex even though its part of it, i grew up around women, have three sisters, have a lot of them as friends so i know a thing or two about them , women have the natural tendency to be dependent, wanting to be loved , want to be pampered, treat your wife like a baby , when she comes back from work and you get back before her , grab her from the door ,carry her inside joor,take her work clothes off, ask to even give her a bathe just like you will do to a baby,tell me whether she will not blush , if i hear.Find out what she likes , what she is having problems with and solve it,women like problem solvers.
MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A MAN
Hmmm men , [i]whispers *women ,we men are very easy to crack, very very easy, i wee tell u the secret in a bit *[/b]
Make your husband feel like a king , how ? , when he runs out of cash and you go shopping , dont pay !!!, slip the money into his back pocket so no one sees you and make him pay , if you buy something make it look like he bought it , feed a mans ego and you have made him a king , respect him.Occasionally make him look dominant .Make him feel on top of the world and i assure you he would make you his queen
LISTEN /BE OBSERVANT
I would like to direct this to mostly men , women can be very funny(no offense ladies),they can want or need something and be speaking in parables, she can say something like , " i went to my friends office yesterday , if you see this beautiful gown her husband bought for her ehnn , i was like wow wow wow….."is she a siren she might be trying to tel you "Wale buy that dress for me na ", a woman can say No and mean Yes, a woman can say Yes and mean No , a woman can say No and mean No, women have defied all the natural laws of Yes and No i know , so what do you do ? , watch her body language as she speaks , look at the movement of her eye, her fingers , her mouth , she might be saying something with her mouth and something else differently with her body , this in a way applies to some men but mostly for women , so shine your eyes.
BE PLAYFULL/BEHAVE LIKE KIDS/LOVE LIKE KIDS
I had to really take a look at things ,and i came up with the concept of loving like kids
trust me no one loves better than children,study any kid around you, they don't hold grudges except you repeatedly hurt them even with that some kids would still love their friends, what am i saying ? FREE YOURSELF, when he is sitting at the balcony ,get a cup of water and pour in his back,abuse each other and call each other names playfully,play games together , take a bet sef , whoever looses does 20 push ups(guys no go wicked your wife oo).Just have fun and be very free with your spouse, forgive , love and play like kids around each other.
KEEP YOUR MARITAL ISSUES IN YOUR HOUSE
Yeah women its your turn , but men also do this , i see a lot of women discussing their marital issues with their friends , i would be honest with you , in my opinion its wrong ,dont spread your husbands/wifes dirty linen outside na , if you feel some issues have gone out of hand talk to your parents or someone elderly or you can talk to a 22 year old like me (no try am o, no be all of us get sense) , even your parents sef ,its not everything you tell them ,always talk to your spouse first, if its not yielding any result , parents next, no progress ? , talk to someone he/she holds in high esteem.
HOW YOU DRESS
Hmmm this one is a strong issue, just like calling yourselves names like mama emeka, papa abubakar etc.., how would u be in the house with your husband and you would be tying wrapper up and dan , go and wear bum short joor,(yeah i am a Christian, and there is nothing wrong in it, no be your husband ), men would be wearing jeans and agbada , go and where boxers or short joor and flex your six packs,there is a lot of psychological effects / significance even if it seems irrelevant to many people.
DO AS MANY THINGS AS POSSIBLE TOGETHER
She is cooking offer to help with some things , he is fixing his car ?? offer to bring water to wash his hands or something, or just stay there and gist with him, help her pour water on the babies bum bum when she is washing his poop, make your spouse know you got their back !!!,pray together, you would get to know each other better by doing things together and you would appreciate each other more.
CREATE TIME FOR FAMILY
I know the economic situation is making us workaholics ,but create quality time for your spouse , to gist ,talk about how the day went , for intimacy(very important),create time to be there for him/her
FILL THE BLANK SPACES
We are humans , we are not perfect, help your partner, you are married not just for procreation/intimacy but also to complement each other ,what is your spouse not so good at ?, do you know how to do it ? teach him /her , if you dont know how to learn it !!! just for their sake , i am sure he/she would have a lot of fun learning from you, she doesn't know how to cook ? teach her !!!, he is bad at changing the baby's diaper ? teach him .Come on guys !!!.
When i say communication i dont just mean talking , even if its part of it , its similar to listening and observation i listed above , but its is a bit different.When you want something done or need something or having problems speak out !!!!!, dont expect your partner to just magically know , even if i agree he/she should be observant enough to know , but always speak out , talk to him/her ,SPEAK OUT !!!! , *echoes* speak outtttt !!!! , outttt !!!! , outt, out! , ou !!, ou!
This is also very important , even after applying all the above , your spouse at some point is still bound to get on your nerves , what do you do ? just be patient an try to solve issue amicably, learn to cultivate the habit of being patient , a lot of dissolved marriages would have being saved if one of them just exercised 10 seconds of patience.I know its hard but please try.
errm this can be defined in various ways , but i would simplify it ,its similar to adding spice but a bit different , for example ;men when you drive somewhere with your wife, get down before her and open the door, thats western you say ?, its a good western thing , hug her unexpectedly for a long time and tell her you love her in her ears,be sweet , i once saw an annoying man he and his wife drove back from church (he was driving) when they got to their gate , the village man relaxed in his car with big bele while the woman went to open the gate , can you imagine !!!!, i just dey boil for where i dey, even if i said help out , their are some things a man should do na .Being a christain doesnt mean you should not do crazy stuff with your spouse be weird, be random, be romantic.
CREATE A SOLID FOUNDATION
If we build a house with just cement it wont stand for a long time , we need reinforcement , we need something from inside to give it strength even on the outside , "if the foundation is bad what would the righteous do " a house that is not built on solid foundation wont stand, so put your home,marriage in the hands of God , pray together solve issues spiritually and physically , dont do only one , doing only spiritual is bad (faith without works is dead) , doing only physical is not also sufficient enough.I pray God helps you in your marriages
SHOW APPRECIATION ALWAYS , he does something for you and you are just looking at him like Naira and Dollars , what is your problem ??, after eating her food you cant say common " thank you dear" ,oga open ya mouth and say thank you joor , learn to appreciate your spouse at all times no matter how little what they did is .see you at the top.
Love conquers all, love your spouse unconditionally , i believe everything would fall in place ,for those yet to get married choose wisely ,cos some people are just naturally "unbearable" don't fall in their hands,for those that are divorced or just separated please think about it if its worth it please go back think of why you love him/her and how much he/she loves you and wants the best for you despite the mishaps, if its worth it please go back.Gods love .Donald
*I am looking for wife ooo, she must be tallllllll,long,short at the same time,she must have igbo, hausa,south south and yoruba roots at the same time(wether her great grand father or ancestors i no one know) , she must speak 45 languages fluently, she must be able to cook dishes from all those countries she can speak their languages,she must be able to cook for 3 hrs non stop , she must be funnier than Basket mouth and Akpororo combined ,so pm me ladies, e neva finish, she must …… abeg i don tire bye bye